“Sometimes we do the happy dance”, says Jessie. “Eric is soooo big that he doesn’t know he sometimes hurts me”. And with that, Jessie wraps her legs around Eric and the big lug happy dances her into the bed room.

In The Dugout At City Of Hope's 2012 Celebrity Softball Challenge

I have no idea who Eric and Jessie are, but from what I saw, I’m guessing she’s another bimbo model and he’s a himbo athlete- football player?- and, for reasons, unknown to me, they, too, have a reality series based on them heading towards their nuptials- or nutials.

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The episode on E! which I caught while lying in bed with a New Year’s Eve hangover and in a heightened state of lethargy had Jessy, watched by her momager- they all have one- pose for some “sexy” pictures for a book of, well, sex pictures, she wants to surprise Eric with as a gift. Have you fallen asleep?

As the photographer clicks away, Momager ooohs and aaaahs and tells her daughter how to pose so as to accentuate her booty and boobs and when to bite her bottom lip.

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It’s pretty weird stuff- and kinda spooky- while being utterly discardable. What’s really bewildering is how shit like this gets produced and who watches this crap.

Well, I did but I’ll blame my hangover for that, but the levels and amounts of crap shoveled our way- and which we accept without asking anyone the hard questions- is really not making the future for humankind look exactly bright and crackling with great positive energy and creativity.

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Television reality shows built around Scary Spice, the Kardashians, and that doofus Ryan Lochte might- might- have an audience in the States, but there is zero interest in any of these people in Asia.

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Yet, whichever geniuses are on some fat cat salary and running E! in Asia while living the expat life in Swingabore are just mindlessly taking the easy way out and shoveling all this irrelevance with no thought about audiences, sponsors and with the channel producing token snippets of a few gigs and events taking place in Swingabore and Malaysia.

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A channel like E! is basically a con and more clutter with only E! News worth watching- just to see how mediocrity has become showbiz and a snow job.

But just think of the much bigger cons and embarrassments that closed off 2013.

In no particular order of unimportance, the sight of that has-been- some will say- never-been- Justin Bieber being carried up the Great Wall Of China by his minders re-enforced the fact that this little spoilt twerp is as important to music as Miley Cyrus twerking while sticking her tongue out and trying to outdo Gene Simmons of Kiss.

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What Miss Cyrus has going for her, however, is a damn good voice which is being underrated as she wanders off into Weirdsville and, seemingly, doing as much as possible to shamelessly shock everyone’s system, or morph into Rihanna- but that voice makes me forgive and forget all that other stuff.

2013 was the year of the Lorde though I have serious doubts if her management knows what they have manufactured plus the image they’ve created for this young Kiwi and if, like Psy and Gangnam Style, Royals will be her only hit.

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Didn’t my sweet Lorde- even the name is pretentiousness and corny- release a follow-up to Royals just like Psy brought out Gentleman- and which both tanked? Dunno, don’t care.

There’s something preciously fake about what she puts out there and seems to have been written by a publicist.

Don’t get me started about watching three hours of fatuous cashing in by the producers of The Hobbit and THAT ending plus Simon Cowell’s relentless publicity campaign about his upcoming fatherhood with a woman who’s more manly than Mrs Cowell, and the equally relentless publicity involving Zeezus, Kimmy and baby North West.

Oh, for Kanye West and Kim Kardashian to come out and say they’re gay instead of all this public fawning and showering of love as if to rilly rilly prove that they’re SUPER straight.

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What REALLY pissed me off as we closed off 2013 was the obscene con behind the supposed animal charity called Save China’s Tiger and where an American banker- and wanker- named Stuart Bray and his estranged Chinese wife- Li Quan- fleeced supporters of over FIFTY MILLION pounds through a Mauritius-based Chinese Tiger South Africa Trust- and which funded their personal expenditure and high flying lifestyle.

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With aging slapstick kung fu actor Jackie Chan as the charity’s “ambassador” and a number of other high profile names supporting this fund- businessman David Tang, actress Michelle Yeoh, director Chen Kaige and backed by China’s environment- what is puzzling is why, despite this fraud being revealed in the High Court following greed being involved in the divorce of Bray and his ex-wife, the Hong Kong and Chinese media have reported squat on this multi-million dollar ponzi scheme.

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