The same day I heard that the Stones will be playing Macau early next year, I decided to watch MTV for the first time in around three years and was mortified to catch the latest video from Justin Bieber.

THE BIEB VERSUS 1

THE BIEB VERSUS 2

This is where the lost man-child of pop who, today, finds himself in those difficult in-between years and has decided to be a little Black man in a white dude’s kinda weirdly outta proportion body.

He sings in falsetto behind a trip-hop beat, he takes his shirt off for no reason, he licks his lips, he shows off his tats, the video director finds a chick short enough to make him look buff and tall- or else he’s standing on an apple box- and then twirls- again for no reason- like Usher who, supposedly, “discovered” him on Twitter just as Justin Timberlake was supposed to have done.

The 38th Annual American Music Awards Press Room!

Oh, puhleeeze, when will this loada bollocks be exposed for the bullshit that it is?

THE BIEB VERSUS 4

Usher was trawling through YouTube- at the same time as Justin Timberlake- and both “discovered” this weeny Canadian kid at the same time. Right.

THE BIEB VERSUS 5

Like Psy, who, ironically, is also managed by Scooter Braun, below, who has carefully manufactured The Bieb myth, Justin Bieber’s career is, no matter what the constant hype might say, is down the crapper.

THE BIEB VERSUS 6

However, whereas the chubby Korean- wasn’t Gentleman a hideous piece of crap?- can continue doing Gangnam Style until he “does an Al Jolson”, like Chubby Checker did with the Twist, The Bieb is like a stranger in a strange land with no direction of home.

He’s got nowhere to go, and is a has-been at 20. Even Ludacris who is there for the opening of an envelope, is nowhere in sight.

Usher? He seems to be keeping his distance from this Lohan-type trainwreck.

THE BIEB VERSUS 7

Let’s hope this is not the case for the good Lorde as I love Royals as a slice of pop pie though remaining skeptical about her whole package and wondering how legit it all is- the quotes attributed to her, the songwriting and the image being shoved in our faces.

Maybe I’ve just seen too many new acts from Australia and New Zealand blow up.

Remember Blindspott, the Vines, Jet, Missy Higgins etc etc?

Lorde is either a precocious young genius having the maturity of a thirty-year-old or another teenage muppet- like The Boob- having her strings pulled by management.

THE BIEB VERSUS 8

Meanwhile, there are the Stones with Sir Mick at 70 still prancing around like a little red rooster impersonating Tina Turner, Charlie Watts close to 80 and watching it all going on in front of him like a proud grandpa while Keith “Dead Man Walking” Richards remains the epitome of cool, and Ronnie Wood, the kid in the band- a mere 64- grins and bares it.

THE BIEB VERSUS 9

Like Bowie, like Steve Tyler, like McCartney, like Dylan, like Neil Young, like Springsteen, Iggy Pop, Clapton and Robert Plant, the Stones might be “the elder statesmen” of music, but remain timeless and ageless.

Of them all, the Stones, McCartney, Bowie and that whippersnapper Bruce Springsteen remain the most hard-working men in showbusiness- apart from One Direction whose Harry Styles seems to be on a mission to shag every young celebrity chick in the world.

Harry is no match, however, for John Mayer whereas, what can one say about the affairs d’amour
of Miss Taylor Swift? Serial loser?

THE BIEB VERSUS 10

THE BIEB VERSUS 11

The more important question is this: Who has lived harder and had a more full- and, maybe, fulfilling- life- than the Stones, McCartney and Bowie with all the music, the touring, the groupies, the girlfriends, the wives, the highs, the lows, back to the music, the drugs, the drug busts, life, death and the whole damn thing which is why they have fans like Johnny Depp, Eddie Vedder and Dave Grohl.

THE BIEB VERSUS 12

THE BIEB VERSUS 13

If not for Keith Richard, there’d be no Captain Jack Sparrow and without Johnny Depp’s portrayal of the mad Captain as Keith, there’d be no Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise.

THE BIEB VERSUS 14

Why these artists have fans who have their own and much younger fans is all about inspiration, respect and recognizing those who continue to be relevant, continue to be creative and remain innovators in an industry where there are no one like them coming around the glen.

What we have today are dills like Kanye West comparing the “dangers” of dancing onstage to the very real dangers of fighting in Afghanistan, the numbing stupid Kardashians and their equally stupid personal lives, and muppets like Justin Bieber.

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If these publicity-hungry dills are meant to inspire the next generation and are examples of mentors, aw, baby, gimme shelter, it’s just a shot away, it’s just a shot away.

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